Journey to my healthy self

Ever since I can remember, I have had a love-hate relationship with food. Sounds silly, really. But the truth is, food has been a lot of things to me over the years.

Just like with people, I’ve had times when I loved food, hated food, fought its comfort, told it off, threw it out, took it in, and struggled to keep a healthy distance. Food has served me and hurt me, but most of all, it’s been there when others weren’t.

Things I’ve told myself include:

“That’s it. I’m starting my diet tomorrow. Monday. Tuesday…”

“If only I could lose the weight, then I’d finally feel better.”

“I need more protein.”

“Keto is the only way I can do it.”

“If I exercise five days a week, I’ve got this.”

“Sugar just can’t be part of my life.”

“I have to hit 10K steps today.”

“My carb counter says I only have five left for the day.”

“Gluten-free is my only option.”

Then I began to ask myself, What if all of these are wrong? What if the reason I’ve struggled so much to be my healthiest self has more to do with the restrictive, punishing way I’m treating myself?

I was a damn drill sergeant, for goodness’ sake — logging steps, weighing food, and searching endlessly for a new product, food, gadget, or additive that would make the difference and snap me into this energized, consistently motivated, bionic b*!ch who could pull it off and pull it off for good.

And what was it that I was trying to pull off?

Perfection.

I can tell you with 100% certainty that our quest for a healthy weight, a good relationship with food — or anything else, for that matter — and a joyful life has absolutely nothing to do with anything listed above.

It has everything to do with connection.

The reason I tell you this is because my struggle has, ironically, turned out to be one of the best things that has ever happened to me.

Growth, love, and the surprising gift of peace — all at the hands of the wellness industry.